On the Defensive

I am simply exhausted. You would think it would be due to the immense workload or the intensity of my schedule. No, I am exhausted from being an ambassador. I cannot keep track of how many times I defended Israel this week; whether through spontaneous conversations about the Middle East or loaded questions about Israel's role in prolonging the conflict, I have constantly been on the defensive. And it is exhausting! I knew that this year in London would have its challenges, and especially with respect to my birthplace, but I never suspected that I would have to exert this much energy to showcase the various dimensions of the conflict that people don't hear during a 3-minute news bite. Very intelligent people have tried to simplify the problem to simply Israel as an aggressor or occupying power without realizing the complexities and nuances behind these powerful words. Some fail to learn their history before making harsh judgments. This afternoon my professor compared Israel to apartheid South Africa- a statement that beyond just being unbelievably upsetting, if perpetuated could have serious implications on how Israel is treated by the international community (as if it isn't ostracized enough already!)

It is very isolating to constantly feel like you have to defend your country. Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with all of Israel's policy decisions- just like I don't agree with a lot of U.S. policies- and I can criticize both because I feel a) informed and b) have an interest in actually improving the situation. What upsets me most are those people that just make statements who have little understanding of the region and its history and whose positions just perpetuate an already sensitive situation, rather than being solution-oriented. The precariousness of this balance is further demonstrated by the way that Israelis have to engage themselves while living abroad. Last week the Israelis at Goodenough met to discuss what events we want to host this year for the community and how we want to "appear" to outsiders. No other community has to think so critically about the image that it sends to the rest of the college because it is so loaded and quick to be judged. Israel and the Middle East conflict has become such a weighty issue that each action or lack thereof impacts others' perceptions.

I recognize that I need to displace this feeling of "bearing a responsibility" because it will become too much at times. But by nature I CANNOT ignore misrepresentations or half-truths - not of Israel or any other issue. I am a student after all because I want to engage with others in serious discourse that challenges us to think more critically about ideas and beliefs that we hold to be true. I expected others to want to do the same and I hope that is still the case... I am willing to do that with my own beliefs.