I have been thinking a lot of my students recently. I don't know what prompted it... whether it is being removed from it all or an e-mail I received from a former colleague. I keep thinking- what if I could have done more? What if I took more initiative and tried to connect to my most troubled kids on a deeper level? Would Seric have channeled his aggression towards his abusive step-father in a more productive manner? Would Tariano have realized his full potential and apply himself despite a community culture that often doesn't value book smarts as much as street smarts? Would Toshia have been able to better cope with being a white girl in a majority black and Hispanic school? Within the 70 minute class period, dealing with personal issues was often secondary to learning math and gaining life skills. Maybe I had it all backwards... In a way, it would have been nice to teach elementary school where I could devote all of my attention to my 20 students instead of the 70 in my classes plus the other 150 in the 6th grade. I wonder how my kids are doing in the 7th and 8th grade... I wonder if they take some of the lessons learned in my classroom and apply it to their day-to-day lives... and I wonder if they internalized the reasoning behind showcasing a "College of the Week" each Monday and that they believe in their ability to go to college as much as I do. Unfortunately with the teaching profession you don't always get to see your final results. Yes, you see how much your students progressed academically and often times personally by the end of the school year. But you aren't privy to know if you changed the course of their life even in the slightest.
Maybe it is the A-type personality in me that thinks I should have been better, I should have tried harder. Are A-type personalities condemned to a life of dissatisfaction and discontent?!!! This dissatisfaction makes me feel like I am not done in the classroom... who knows, maybe I will return to teaching one day....
